


Shan'hal'lak

by ladydragyn



Category: Star Trek: The Original Series
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst and Fluff and Smut, Crossdressing, D/s undertones, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Episode: s01e02 The Corbomite Maneuver, Episode: s01e03 Mudd's Women, Episode: s01e04 The Enemy Within (Star Trek), Episode: s01e05 The Man Trap, Episode: s01e06 The Naked Time, Episode: s01e07 Charlie X, Episode: s01e08 Balance of Terror, Episode: s01e09 What Are Little Girls Made Of?, Episode: s01e10 Dagger of the Mind, Episode: s01e11 Miri, Episode: s01e15-16 The Menagerie, Episode: s01e17 Shore Leave, Episode: s01e21 Tomorrow is Yesterday, Episode: s01e24 Space Seed, Episode: s01e25 This Side of Paradise, Episode: s02e03 Friday's Child, Episode: s02e05 Amok Time, Episode: s02e10 Mirror Mirror, Episode: s02e15 Journey to Babel, Episode: s02e25 Bread and Circuses, M/M, Missions Gone Wrong, Multi, Not Canon Compliant, Poor Bones, Poor Jim, Pre-Relationship, Spock (Star Trek) Has Feelings, Spock is an ass, abuse of Vulcan language, more tags as we go along
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-12-12
Updated: 2020-01-26
Packaged: 2021-02-25 21:34:14
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 10
Words: 12,251
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21762286
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ladydragyn/pseuds/ladydragyn
Summary: There's something about the new CMO.  Spock doesn't have a name for it yet, but he feels...Spock lets that thought linger unfinished.  He feels.Feelings are illogical.  Feelings are NOT the Vulcan way.
Relationships: James T. Kirk/Leonard "Bones" McCoy/Spock, Leonard "Bones" McCoy/Spock
Comments: 4
Kudos: 90





	1. Shan'hal'lak

He’s bent over his station the firs time he sees him. He looks up for a brief moment and does a double take. Jim is walking him around introducing him to the bridge crew. He forgets how to breathe when those bright blue eyes like nothing he’d seen before landed on him. Sure, he’d seen blue eyes but not like these. They lit up his entire face making him younger and more youthful. 

His heart which is already faster than a human’s quickens even more so. He can vaguely smell his scent from halfway across the room. Clean, peachy, and smooth like brandy made in oak casks. His pupils dilate as he watches him lick his lips nervously as he’s introduced to the chief engineer. It does things to him imagining what it would feel like to have that tongue against his own among other things. He’s so taken and shocked at what he will later describe as shan’hal’lak, that he forgets how to speak as they approach him.

Jim is all smiles. “Mr. Spock, this is the new CMO Dr. Leonard McCoy.”

Leonard McCoy. Of course he knew that was his name. As first officer he knew who all the crew members were and he was aware the doctor would be arriving today to assume his duties. Just hearing the name out loud does something to him south of his waist he can’t even begin to speak of in public. But it’s unfamiliar and...unnerving.

Leonard smiles, his southern upbringing mandating he greets anyone with a smile. He doesn’t extend a hand because he knows vulcans find it offensive. He can’t do the ta’al so he gives a small wave instead. Spock doesn’t miss the way he bounces on his toes. “Hi there, Mr. Spock. Leonard McCoy. Nice to meet you.”

His voice is melodious. Like music to his ears. That deep voice with the slight southern twang that Leonard is trying hard to suppress. He could listen to it all day. Something inside him stirs and it frightens him for the first time in his life. He needs to run away to his room to meditate and regain his faculties. He gives the doctor a stiff nod.

He stands straight with his hands behind his back. He notices the doctor is a few inches shorter. The perfect height for resting his head on Spock’s shoulder. He forces the thoughts away and eyes him cooly. 

“Dr. McCoy. I trust you’ll find everything you need. Should you require anything, I shall endeavor to assist you however I can. If you’ll excuse me,” he sidesteps them and then he’s gone into the turbolift.

McCoy and Jim exchange curious glances. By most standards the Vulcan's behavior would be construed as abrupt and rude. Leonard feels he’s somehow gotten under the vulcan’s skin on his first day and says as much.

Jim, good natured as always, tries to smooth things over between his long time friend and his new friend and first officer. Jim knows firsthand how prickly his first officer can be. The man had given him hell the first few months of his command.

McCoy just vows to keep it professional none the same. 

Their first mission together finds them battling the last of a species. A creature that needs salt to survive, disguised itself as a woman Leonard once dated, Nancy. It was with Nancy that Leonard learned several truths about himself and came to embrace everything that he was. The pair parted as friends so he’s overjoyed to see her. 

He’s so blinded by it that he doesn’t see the creature for what it is even as it attacks Jim, sucking the salt out of him. It isn’t until Spock is attacked that Leonard snaps out of it. A doctor is a healer, not a killer so he hesitates to take life. He asks for forgiveness as he uses his phaser on the creature.

Later, Leonard checks over the captain and the first officer. Both are fine despite their ordeal so he releases them to their quarters. After his shift, he returns to his quarters to wash away the stress of the day. He dresses for bed but goes to his kitchenette to get himself a drink. He drinks to Nancy as the salty tears run down his cheeks. 


	2. Nemut - Enemy

Despite his attempt to keep it professional, Leonard more often than not finds himself locking horns with the cold-blooded computer of a first officer. The vulcan finds fault with nearly everything and questions his professionalism and integrity. He returns insult for insult. He’s called illogical and a witch doctor. He won’t show how much it hurts. No. He’ll just give it all back and resort to insulting the vulcan’s heritage and anatomy.

It’s a tiresome routine that lasts almost a year. They are professional enough on away missions but that’s where it ends. When their opinions clash on the bridge, Spock will attack McCoy’s emotionalism and lack of logic. McCoy can’t help it. He’s a doctor. Empathy and compassion are in his nature. Whenever it comes to needlessly endangering the lives of others, his passions run high and he’s not ashamed to show it. 

Jim, bless his soul, is often caught in the crossfire. The pair will argue anytime, anywhere over anything. Jim tries to mediate and get them to agree on some common ground.

This particular argument is nasty. Spock has insulted Leonard as a doctor, a human, and a man. Jim can see the hurt in Leonard’s eyes as the man stands up and exits the mess hall without clearing his tray. He even shoulders past another lieutenant on his way out. 

The captain has learned to read Spock’s body language. The vulcan claims he doesn’t have emotions, yet Jim knows differently. Spock’s face is neutral but his eyes look dejected. His shoulders are slumped and he is merely poking at his neglected salad.

“Well, Mr. Spock, are you feeling proud of yourself?”

“Captain, pride is a human emotion. As a vulcan I do not -”

Jim points a finger at him, effectively silencing him. “You can lie to me all you want but you can’t lie to yourself.”

Spock sits quietly. Vulcans do not lie. Lying serves no purpose and is therefore, illogical. 

“You baited the good doctor then pounced on him like a hungry lion.” 

Spock quietly ponders these words. Jim is right yet he has no explanation why. He frowns slightly. Odd. “I -”

Jim is on a roll and is not to be stopped. He is determined to find out what the beef is between the two. “Why? What is it about him that gets you all riled up?” He holds his hand up as Spock begins to speak. “And before you go all ‘I don’t get riled up’ can it. You do. If he so much as walks in the room you seek him out to engage him in these ‘friendly bickering’ sessions that get out of hand.”

Spock’s brows draw down. Could that be true? Did he actively engage the doctor in verbal sparring sessions? If the captain noticed, who else? “I was not aware that I was behaving in such a manner.”

“Well you are. I dunno what he did to you but whatever it is you need to fix it." Jim looks around realizing he's raised his voice a little too loudly. He takes a deep breath and rolls his shoulders. "It’s bad for crew morale to see senior officers at each other’s throats all the time especially the two in direct line to the captain.”

He will not admit he is embarrassed. He has behaved unprofessionally, illogically, and jeopardized the trust he has built up with the crew. “Yes, captain.”

*******************************

After his shift he doesn’t seek out the good doctor to apologize. Instead, he returns to his own quarters. He needs to examine his actions to see where he erred. He needs to examine when these interactions began and why. 

He dims his lights and changes out of his uniform and into a robe. He removes his socks and pads barefoot across the heated floor to sit on his meditation stool. A firepot sits in front of a small altar with a plant from his homeworld. He leans forward to light the powdery substance in the pot. There is a sizzle sound and smoke rises from the pot scenting the room with its spicy aroma. He places his hands in the correct position for deep meditation, and shuts his eyes, inhaling the smoke. His thoughts turn to one person.

Leonard McCoy. He came aboard the Enterprise and settled in quickly. He was already friends with the captain and the chief engineer. His humble , gentlemanly ways made people warm up to him even as he berated them for their carelessness and lack of self care when they came to the sick bay. He was hardworking and passionate and had a respect for life of all living things. They were alike in that regard. Slow to take life. So why couldn’t they get along?

Spock is Vulcan. He was raised Vulcan. To look at things logically. To do things logically. He is sure there must be a logical reason for their rivalry. He digs deeper and thinks over all their interactions since they met, replays and analyzes them. Then it comes to him. 

Leonard McCoy makes him feel. More accurately, Leonard McCoy makes those feelings come to the surface. He somehow penetrates Spock’s barriers and makes his Vulcan control slip. He stirs Spock to his core.

And Spock fears and is angered by it.

His entire life he’s had to prove himself simply because he was half Vulcan and not full Vulcan. His mother accepted him but his father made it clear feelings and weakness were not the Vulcan way. Even when the Vulcans were behaving illogically he had to be more logical than they. When Vulcan children bullied him and insulted his family, he was reminded he was a Vulcan. When Vulcans insulted his mother and gossiped about his father, he was reminded he was a Vulcan. Suppression and control above all else.

But Leonard broke that control the minute he walked onto the bridge and became the CMO. He touched something deep down in Spock’s soul. Something that touched back and claimed Leonard as his. His special someone. His...t’hyla.

He shivers ever so slightly with this revelation. To get romantically involved with Leonard would be illogical. The man is over emotional and sentimental. His logic often overridden by his emotions. Besides, he's a man. The purpose of coupling is to produce children. As a hybrid Spock is sterile and Leonard is a male so there would be none. He ignores the ache in his being that calls out for the irascible doctor.

Now that he understands what has happened, he tapers off the doctor a bit. He has been reacting out of an irrational fear of his feelings and letting Leonard see them. He decides to put some distance between them by not attending to every get together Jim tries to have with the three of them. He reasons by doing this, the feelings will fade away given time. Leonard must sense something because he finds a way to be busy in the labs. 

Leonard has a healthy fear of space. No one can hear you scream in the dark vacuum. They are often so deep into the blackness that it takes days for communications to be received back at Starfleet and more days for their answer to be received.

Not to mention the space cooties.

Spock and another science officer beam down to a science station that they had received a strange message from and then heard nothing more. Spock, in his perfect Vulcan way, follows protocol to the letter. It’s his human co-worker who does not. The man takes off his glove and touches a panel on the space station. 

Strange things start going on. Sulu and Kevin Riley have lunch with the contaminated crewman who pulls a knife out threatening them. A wrestling match ensues and he is stabbed. He dies on Leonard’s operating table leaving him baffled.

Kevin Riley sings the worst rendition of an Irish tune Scotty has ever heard then proceeds to take over the ship. Enterprise is Scotty and Jim’s baby so they are quite pissed about it. Sulu gets half naked and decides he’s a musketeer come to save the fair and fine Uhura who rejects his advances. Spock nerve pinches him and takes him to sick bay where nurse Chapel touches him as she confesses feeling for him.

For the first time since he was a child, Spock shows genuine emotion. He fights it. Valiantly. He is a Vulcan. Feelings are illogical. But ultimately he succumbs. He is riddled with guilt. He never told his mother he loves her. He loves Leonard but has pushed him away. He feels hopeless and frustrated. He cries.

Leonard is working his tail off to figure it all out while Jim tries to get back control of the ship starting with the first officer. By the time they slap it out, Leonard has come up with the cure. They get control of the ship and beat it out of there like the hounds of hell are on their tail. They accidentally stumble upon time travel and lose-gain three days.

Leonard examines everyone to be sure all is well but Spock refuses. He’s had enough emotionalism and humans touching him for one day. The captain gets involved and, with a not roll of the eyes, Spock acquiesces. Jim never mentions his emotional breakdown and Spock is grateful for it.


	3. An'Kharh - Fear

Their pattern continues. They offer argument and counterargument to Jim’s point of view or opinion. Often they talk the captain down from the cliff he’s trying to jump down from when he’s overly excited about something. They are professional enough not to let the bickering stand in the way of their work but they are far from friends. Leonard is always on guard and it’s tiresome. 

He's a genteel person with a slightly more ladylike manner that he hides with sarcasm and crossness. His momma encouraged him to be himself and his daddy had nothing to say on the matter one way or another. His teen years found him experimenting with his sexuality, finding out what he liked and what he didn't. In college he played both fields and enjoyed being chased more than doing the chasing. One day he fell for a beautiful woman he thought he'd like to spend his life with. Someone he could be both sides of himself with. 

But Jocelyn oh was she adamant he man up when she first saw him in a black pencil skirt, white blouse, and fishnet hose at a Halloween party. He'd had his hair finger waved around his face and shaped his eyebrows. The smoky eyeshadow with a winged liner he wore made those electric blues pop. He was so convincing as a 50s hot secretary that several men tried to take him home. She was jealous he'd stolen the spotlight from her played out Cleopatra look. She wanted no embarrassment whatsoever. 

So Leonard suppressed his true self for years by burying himself in work so he’d be too tired to think about how stifling it was. How alone he felt in his marriage. Before he knew it he was a father. Jocelyn wasn't content to dominate and control him but felt the need to cuckold him as well. She slept around with his friend while he was busy working then claimed he’s the reason for their divorce. How could she be married to a deviant? She needed a real man. 

So he threw it all away and ran to space. To freedom. 

To relax after a long shift, he tries to lounge around in things that make him feel soft and pretty. The weight of the world melts from his shoulders and he no longer has to be Dr. Leonard H. McCoy, CMO of the USS Enterprise. His simply Len. As he takes a sip of his drinks, he wishes there were someone to admire him and shower him with sweet kisses and hugs. Spock, he thinks to himself, would be perfect if he wasn’t so mean and uptight. The thought is illogical. 

He drinks a little more than before just to quiet the sounds of his first officer’s voice judging him for being...a deviant even by terran standards. How could such a person want to be around someone like him? He’s too skinny, too manly, too weird, too...old.

The encounter with Mudd leaves the men of the Enterprise starry eyed and lust filled. Leonard’s attraction is to their beauty. Not because he wants to bed them like the other males. But because he wants to look like that. Spock is rather smug with the fact he is not affected and points out the emotionalism and easy distractability of human males. Chasing Mudd damaged their dilithium crystal so they had to deal with love starved miners to get more. The real face of the women is revealed and Leonard wonders if there is someone out there that could love him for him. See past his gruff exterior to the gentle heart beating in his chest. 

Once the dilithium crystals have been replaced and they are enroute away from the mining colony, Spock and Leonard have a small snark match about the differences between human and vulcan anatomy, more specifically, the location of Spock's cold heart.

Spock walks away and Jim merely shakes his head because he knows Spock is anything but cold.

There is something written in the stars that any away mission the three are on together, no matter who else might be there, that they must get into some mess. They are surveying a planet full of exotic plants when one wraps its vines around Leonard and drags him into the bush. Leonard is screaming his head off as Jim tries to pull him free. The vines have barbs on them that shreds their uniforms. 

  
His k’diwa in danger, Spock fires at the base of the plant with his phaser killing it. Leonard collapses into Jim’s arms, sobbing with relief, and Spock stands a little closer and gently rubs his back. Leonard is too shook up to notice. Jim finds it odd but doesn’t say anything. 


	4. Sahrahfel - Trust

Things become a little more amicable. They are able to soften their verbal blows with smiles or eyebrow raises that convey their true emotion. Things are not perfect. They still get their digs in. They are two stubborn men used to being in position of authority and not having that authority challenged.

For example, whenever a landing party returns to the ship, regulations state they have to report to sick bay for a post mission checkup. Jim is notorious for returning to the bridge as is Mr. Spock. One would call it dedication to duty. Leonard calls is avoidance. 

Jim hates all the hypos he has to get due to all of his allergies. Not to mention, he is notorious for touching things he’s not supposed to do like some disobedient child. Spock is convinced the Vulcan constitution can mitigate anything and if that doesn’t work then meditation surely will cure what ails him. Leonard is the ship’s CMO and has the power to remove even the captain from duty and he’s sure to throw that in their faces when they don’t comply. This always gets him complaints from the captain and insults about beads and rattles from the first officer. 

You’d think a starship captain and logic infused vulcan would see reason and behave accordingly. 

Leonard and Nurse Chapel haven’t been getting on as they did before Spock turned her down. Leonard wonders if she blames him for Spock not returning her affections. Whatever it is, he is happy for her when they find out her fiance Dr. Korby is still alive deep within a planet. He witnesses the hug and kiss shared by her and Uhura, the communications officer, and can’t help but wonder if the two had a thing going on in Korby’s absence. 

He and Spock are left behind when Jim beams down with her. They think all is well until they receive a message from the captain. Spock rightfully deduces it doesn’t sound like the captain. When the android comes aboard bearing the captain’s oddly racially infused message, it is confirmed.

When a dejected Christine returns to sick bay, he says nothing. He just opens his arms and she walks right in. He knows a thing or two about being heartbroken and he just holds her as she cries it out. When she finishes, the two share a drink and reminisce over their lost loves. One drink turns into an entire bottle, and Leonard telling Christine about his love of pantyhose and jealousy over the women being able to wear the skant. He laments how his legs look better than half the women onboard and how it’s a shame his legs are hidden in boots and pant legs. 

They arrange a dress-up night once a week with Uhura. It’s all secret, of course. He drinks a little less and has gotten closer with the two but he still longs for a companion of the male sex. Someone who could keep him intellectually engaged, empathetic when Leonard’s days are tough, yet with a firm hand to take charge of him when he gets out of hand. Someone with dark eyes and a ridiculously luxurious bowl cut comes to mind.

They reach a planet that appears to be deserted and run down. As they investigate what happened to the colonists, Leonard is attacked by a strange being as he looks at a broken tricycle. As the being cries it’s broken, Leonard realizes it’s a child and tells him they’ll fix it. He’s a father and understands how heartbroken children can be over the things they love. Plus, tears just tug at his heartstrings. He wants to make it all better. 

Spock can see how it upsets the doctor when the child dies. When they discover it’s a plague and that they have it, Spock is unsure how to feel. All his human companions will die. His t’hyla whom he has yet to come to confess to, will die. They set up a lab and he assists Leonard to exhaustion to find a cure while Jim is dealing with women issues. 

A young girl named Miri has taken a shine to him and Yeoman Rand isn’t happy one bit. After all, she’s been the target of Jim’s attentions for some time and not just professionally. Leonard calls her Jim’s ‘work wife.’ She makes sure he eats, he takes care of himself, and he’s on top of his job. They grew closer after their encounter with a teenager named Charlie who stalked her and did horrible things to the crew before the Thasians arrived to retrieve him. Not to mention, the two were intimate when the captain was split into two. 

They need to test the new vaccine but can’t be sure they won’t die without communicating with the ship. The children have taken their communicators and time is running out. They get into an argument and Spock walks off. He’s frustrated. Leonard, being the oldest, will die first followed by Jim and the others. When he hears Leonard call for him he rushes back to find Leonard is unconscious on the floor. He’d taken the vaccine. He watches, unable to do anything but wait. The spots begin to fade and he breathes a little easy.

He’s impressed by Leonard. His compassion and his dedication. Even with the prospect of dying, Leonard didn’t give up. He didn’t give in to despair like Yeoman Rand. Spock admits to himself, he is elated when Leonard finally opens those baby blues and looks at him first despite Jim holding his hand. Leonard lives and he’s one step closer to telling Leonard his feelings.


	5. Katravah - Associate

They reach a penal colony run by a Doctor Adams, a man renowned in the galaxy for rehabbing inmates and turning them into responsible upstanding citizens. They are only supposed to drop off supplies and retrieve a few and then be on their merry way. They soon find one of the inmates has escaped and he winds up on the bridge. 

He’s erratic and is subdued by Jim and Spock. Jim thinks he should be returned as Dr. Adams requested. Leonard examines him in sick bay and has his suspicions about what is happening on the colony. Spock learns the man is named Van Gelder and was a doctor assigned to the penal colony. While remaining neutral on what is or isn't happening on the colony, Spock agrees with Leonard that Van Gelder should stay until they investigate.

Jim beams down with a Doctor Noel. Apparently, the two had a thing at one of the ship parties and she hasn’t let it go. Leonard thinks this is exactly why fraternization regulations exist. While they are gone, Van Gelder tells him more about the machine being used and they try to warn Jim. Spock beams down to assist and finds the captain and Dr. Noel in a lip lock. He wonders why did he even bother. 

They find out Jim had been tortured and fought Dr. Adams whom had gotten trapped in the machine and died. Yeoman Rand isn’t pleased to see Jim and Dr. Noel together and puts in for a transfer stating medical reasons. Leonard knows the reason is because she’s pregnant with Jim’s kid but doctor-patient confidentiality keeps him from saying anything. It’ll take some time for it to be approved. He just hopes nothing happens until then.

It is during their encounter with Balock that Leonard and Spock get a little closer. A being more superior to them has threatened to destroy them for protecting themselves against a radioactive cube they destroyed. None of their weapons are effective as a larger vessel arrives and crewman Bailey freezes twice at the fire controls. The crew witnesses their captain and chief medical officer go head to head and Jim lose his temper and yell at Leonard. Spock and Scotty both look ready to interfere should it get more out of hand.

Kirk uses a poker move on the alien calling it the Corbomite Manuever. In the greatest game of chicken ever, Jim wins. Spock says poker is interesting and Leonard offers to teach it to him. Both are surprised when Jim chooses to pursue the disabled ship. 'You don't look a gift horse in the mouth,' Leonard's momma used to say. He thinks they should high tail it the heck outta dodge. But they discover their adversary is simply a lonely being looking for intellectual stimulation and discourse with new beings.

Thus their game nights increase to two or three times a week depending on their schedules. Jim and Spock play chess and sometimes they all play poker. Spock is not a fan of poker as it requires the players to bluff which is essentially a lie and Vulcans don’t lie. Leonard tells him it is more a misleading and therefore not morally incorrect. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Is everyone ready for 2020?
> 
> The episodes are not in any particular order.


	6. Uzh Palikaya - New Start

It isn’t until Spock does something so human and so shocking that Leonard’s perceptions get turned upside down. Spock lies, kidnaps, and steals all in one go. His former captain has been injured so badly that he is confined to a chair unable to move or speak. He’s trapped in his own body and Leonard’s heart goes out to him. If there was something they could do, he’d do it. Spock takes up that mantel and takes them to the forbidden planet Thalos. Spock doesn’t tell anyone his plan and Jim chases after him and he’s court martialed. 

Leonard understands and yet he doesn’t. Spock is a vulcan isn’t he? Why would he risk it all? Unless that half human side he claims doesn’t exist actually does. Why else would he jeopardize his career and freedom for a superior officer? Then Leonard thinks, if that’s what he’d do for a former superior officer how far would Spock go for those he considers family and friends? _This_ vulcan feels and deep.

Leonard doesn’t find it hard thereafter to show some loyalty back. When the crew try to accuse Spock of being a traitorous Romulan or a heartless computer, Leonard goes on the defense. At the same time he tries to get Spock to see things the human way to improve his relations with the crew. As they go along their relationship improves.

They beam down to a planet for some much needed shore leave. Leonard thinks he’s losing his mind because he’s seen Alice and the White Rabbit go scampering into the bush. One of the female crew is attacked by Don Juan and finds a princess dress to change into. Leonard says none of this is real and he aims to prove it by facing the black knight. 

Spock’s heart stops in his chest as Leonard is run through by the black knight. His k’diwa is dead. Spock feels anger well up in him. When the body disappears, the crew spring into action trying to figure out what’s going on. Kirk finally figures it out. When Leonard walks up to them unharmed, Spock is more than relived and vows he is going to tell Leonard as soon as possible. 

A week passes. Leonard is in his quarters, book in hand. It was a long day. Several crew members came in with food poisoning then an engineer came in with a burn. Lunch with Spock and Jim was colorful as usual, and he had a surgery right after. A broken arm from a crewman who thought it was fun to fall from one of the ladders in the botany lab and landed on a cactus-like plant, kept him in sick bay two hours after shift. When he got off shift, he skipped the mess hall and returned to his quarters for a hot bath. Once he finished, he dressed in his cozy pajamas, grabbed a glass of brandy and a book. 

He was just getting into it when his door chimes. He scowls at the book as if it is the offender. It occurs to him to pretend he isn’t in or is asleep but the door chimes again.

“Enter,” he sighs, weariness weighing him down but he’s too much of a gentleman to refuse a visitor. Especially since he doesn’t usually get any.

The visitor ducks so as not to hit their head on the top of the door and enters the cabin. “Good evening, doctor.” 

Leonard is not in the mood to argue but rises to his feet to face his first officer. “Good evening, commander.” He’s watching the vulcan who appears to be...nervous? That’s not possible. He’s an unfeeling computer that sticks to rules and regulations and cold logic like a drowning man to a lifeguard buoy. Yet, he is. His eyes are averted and he seems to be standing more rigid than usual.

“I wish to discuss a serious matter with you.”

He raises a brow. “Oh? What’s that?”

“Of all the crew on board, I find that our interactions are more... _hostile_ than most.”

Leonard crosses his arms and sets his jaw. “I’d say that’s quite the understatement, _sir_.” He sees the flinch in Spock and his eyes widen in surprise. His arms drop to his side and he takes a step forward in concern. “Spock?” He gasps as Spock finally looks at him with longing in his dark orbs.

“Vulcans, we tell people we do not feel emotion but that is a half truth. We feel. We feel so deeply that we were once torn apart by our emotions-our _passions_. We learned to suppress them, meditate them away. But I can no longer do that, it seems.”

Doctor mode kicks in and Leonard starts trying to asses Spock. “Is everything alright? Is there something I can do? Do you need to go to Vulcan to find someone to help you with your control?” He gasps as Spock reaches out and cups his cheek with a cool hand.

Spock swallows thickly as he looks down into those captivating blue eyes. “No. There is no cure for this. You, Leonard McCoy, _are_ the problem.”

Leonard stares in confusion. Was he just insulted? His eyes narrow and he pulls away. What a fool for trying to help the blasted cold blooded son of a bitch. “I think it’s high time you left, sir.”

Spock grips his wrist in an iron grip, eyes pleading. “You misunderstand. You...you make me feel. You make me feel so deeply and I’m at a loss what to do.”

“You expect me to believe you?”

“Vulcans do not lie.”

“The hell you say.”

Spock holds up his hand inches from his face. Words do not work with them. “Let me show you.”

Leonard licks his lips as he looks from the hand to Spock’s face and back. Not a fan of mind melds, he is hesitant. Vulcan Voodoo he calls it. However, the curiosity of what it is Spock wants to show him is overwhelming. “Fine. Go on.”

Spock’s eyes find his and hold his gaze as those slender, cool finger tips press to the meld points on his face. Words are murmured and their thoughts merge. Leonard feels as if he has been transported to another place and is at a loss for words. The scene is simply beautiful.  The sky is a mix of blues, purples, and oranges that bleed into a yellow sun rising over the horizon. There are adobe colored mountains in the background and desert sand at their feet.

“What is this place?” Leonard asks looking around. “It’s beautiful.”

Spock smiles. A real genuine smile. “Our shared minds.”

Leonard is speechless. Spock's smile is absolutely gorgeous. It lights up his face and makes him more dashing. “Oh.”

Spock reaches out. “Take my hand, Leonard. See everything I want you to know.” Leonard is very receptive to his telepathy and Spock has no problem showing him just how much he means to him. From the time they’ve met until the present, Spock shows Leonard how he sees and feels for him.

Leonard has tears coming down his face. This is the biggest shock he’s ever received. “You love me? You _really_ love me?”

“Yes. As you love me too it seems.”

“I had no idea. I thought you hated me.”

Spock pulls him close. “No, k’diwa. It is the opposite.”

“What do we do now?” Leonard closes his eyes as Spock leans in and runs his nose along the length of Leonard’s neck.

“I wish to pursue a romantic relationship for now,” Spock breathes in his ear.

Leonard’s knees feel like jelly. He’s growing hot under the collar and he wants to feel Spock’s lips on his. “For now?”

“Vulcans do not date casually.”

He pulls back and looks up with a startled expression. This was not expected. “You would want to...marry _me_?”

Spock nods. “A Vulcan bond is more than what humans call marriage but yes.”

Leonard tries to pull away. He's not marriage material. There are so many options out there for Spock. “Are you sure? I’m not the easiest to get on with, youngest, or prettiest.”

The corners of Spock’s lips lift as he leans forward and presses a soft kiss to Leonard’s lips. “Those things are irrelevant.”

Spock's lips are just as soft as Leonard imagined. His head is going fuzzy and he's waking up below. “I can be stubborn and emotional. You might fry your little robot brain trying to keep up with my moods. You sure you want to deal with me?”

“I will manage.”

“I already have a failed marriage behind me. You sure you want a used up, washed up old man?” He gasps as Spock puts his hands on Leonard’s thin hips and pulls him forward so their bodies are flush. Leonard can feel something hard pressing against him and looks up through his dark lashes. 

Spock’s eyes smolder with want. “I do.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Holidays!


	7. K'Diwa - Beloved

Leonard doesn’t know that transference is a thing during a mind meld and he has unwittingly let out some of his own secrets. Secrets no one knew and he wished to keep hidden. Spock has picked up on several of Leonard’s deepest, darkest desires and his mixed feelings about them. In his own way, Spock decides to take control of them.

He’s subtle about it. He spends a lot of time worshipping Leonard’s legs when they’re in bed and always compliments his eyes. He buys him short, silky robes and tunics a little on the feminine side to wear when they are alone. When Leonard asks he says it’s because it’s easy access. 

They are on a planet for a supply run when the two of them decide to take a stroll through the local marketplace. Jim has run off after some alien in a skimpy outfit leaving the two alone. Spock is looking for new materials for Leonard to wear and a gift for his upcoming birthday. Leonard is thinking the same thing since both their birthdays are in the same month only fourteen days apart. 

They find a way to separate from each other to complete their separate tasks. Spock finds several items he is sure will please Leonard as well as items that will take their relationship to a new level. Leonard finds a pretty dress that reminds him of the sky he saw in their first mind meld. Remembering that he hadn’t told Spock directly about that part of his life, he puts it back as Spock steps up beside him. 

“Was that something you wanted?” Spock asks. He observed that Leonard spent 20.15 seconds longer looking at and handling this garment as opposed to others. 

Leonard doesn’t meet his eyes. He plays around with something else nearby. “No. I just uh...thought it would look good on one of the girls. Or something.” His cheeks are twenty shades of red and he’s starting to sweat.

Spock merely eyes him. He knows he’s being lied to. He just would prefer if Leonard would come right out and admit to his like of feminine clothing. Leonard fidgets a moment longer under those dark eyes then starts to walk off.

“I’ll be right back.”

Spock purchases the dress and a pair of matching sandals before catching up to Leonard. He thinks to himself that his ashayam has impeccable taste. 

Later that night, Spock calls Leonard to his room. When Leonard arrives, he tells Leonard to go into the bathroom and change. Leonard side eyes Spock and asks him why. Seeing the stubborn Vulcan isn’t going to answer, he goes into the bathroom in a huff and waits for the door to whisk shut. His eyes widen and he puts a hand to his mouth.

His heart is soaring with happiness. Spock bought the dress he’d been oogling in the marketplace. It’s hanging up with a matching pair of sandals beneath it. With trembling hands, he takes it down and holds it up to his chest. The colors work so well with his skin tone. The blue really pops among the shades of pink and red. And the fabric is silky and flows nicely.

He quickly changes his clothes amazed at the soft material of the spaghetti strap wrap dress as it slides over his skin. He messes his hair up so it’s lying on his forehead just above his eyebrows. He hadn’t cut his hair shorter in a while because he liked his hair just a little bit longer. He pauses as he looks himself over. He looks a little thin. 

Would Spock really like him in this? 

Maybe he should wait until he gains a little more weight to fill out the dress a little better. Why was he so scrawny? Spock would tell him he's being illogical. Dammit to hell. He slides into the sandals then shyly walks out of the bathroom.

“Spock?”

Spock eyes him up and down. “You are, I believe humans call it, ‘fetching.’”

Leonard smiles from ear to ear. “Ya like it?”

“Very much so. Tonight I would like to discuss trying something new, Leonard.”

Leonard instantly goes on the defense. His mind starts conjuring up a dozen worst case scenarios to what Spock could mean.

Spock sits on the sofa and pats his thigh for Leonard to come and sit. 

Leonard suddenly feels shy and slowly makes his way over. His heart thunders in his chest as Spock reaches out a hand and gently pulls him down. He doesn’t say anything. He just watches Leonard with those dark piercing eyes.

Being naturally submissive, Leonard usually hides his shyness with sarcasm and anger. But alone with Spock things are different. Leonard tries not to fidget under his unwavering gaze and demand the pointy eared menace to tell him what’s up. He feels stripped bare, laid open for all of Spock to see. He loves it and hates it all at once.

Cool fingers trail up one arm to his shoulder and along his neck before gripping him by the back of his neck and pulling him so their faces are barely a breath apart. Leonard’s breathing has picked up and his skin hot beneath his fingers. Spock notices the way the blue in Leonard’s eyes give way to the black of his pupils. Leonard trembles slightly when Spock’s eyes land on his lips. 

Despite his lower body temperature, Spock’s breath is warm as it ghosts over Leonard’s flesh. “Did you like my gift, k’diwa?” Leonard gives him a quick half nod and Spock tightens his grip. Leonard’s soft inhale makes him want to smirk. “Use your words.”

“Yes.”

“Earlier I told you I wanted to take our relationship to another level.”

“I remember. I don’t know why I needed a dress, though.”

D/s relationships are not uncommon on Vulcan and he wants Leonard to feel confident in his desire and need to have one. “It is customary for abrupik to dress our nepik in the things we like.”

Leonard smirks and kisses his lips. “I don’t speak Vulcan.”

Spock lightly bites him making Leonard giggle. “You are naturally submissive to me. Why?”

“I dunno...I guess I trust that you’ll always do what’s best for me. I can let go and let you be in charge.”

“Would you let me take charge in our relationship?”

To Leonard this question is pointless. “You already _are_ in charge.”

Spock’s hand tightens in Leonard’s hair making him gasp. “Do you like when I’m rough with you?”

“Yes. I crave it,” Leonard rasps. He kisses Spock's neck.

“If I tell you to do something.”

“I’d do it.” His tongue traces the outer shell of Spock's ear making the Vulcan tremble ever so slightly. 

“If I wanted to bind you to the bed.”

Leonard tugs on his ear lobe with his teeth. “Okay.”

Spock feels himself wanting to take Leonard right now but he fights it. He runs his hand up and down Leonard's smooth shapely leg. “If I wanted to hit you…”

Leonard nips his jaw and the side of his neck. “No closed fists, no visible bruising. Not in public or without warning.”

“If I wanted to punish you?”

“If it is warranted I guess. Just don’t be abusive.”

Spock's hand trails up his inner thigh. “You think I would?”

“No. Just put it out there.” He moans as Spock’s fingers gently squeezed his balls. “Jesus, Spock. Please.” His body is so hot. Spock's deep whispery voice and the soft barely there strokes on his skin had Leonard's hard on poking up through his dress.

“Please what?”

“Kiss me, touch me, anything.” 

Spock pulls him down for a kiss. It starts off sweet but soon turns possessive. Spock claims him with lips, tongue, and teeth. Soon he breaks the kiss and in one swift move, Leonard is pinned beneath him on the sofa.

“We need a safeword,” he whispers as his lips trail down Leonard’s neck. He pinches Leonard's nipples and watch as they poke through the fabric. It was a good choice to purchase it. His mouth descends on the stiff peaks, sucking them through the shirt.

Leonard moans and his legs wrap around Spock’s waist. Nimble fingers run through Spock’s perfectly styled hair-do messing it up and Leonard says the first thing that comes to mind. “Medkit.”

Spock looks up and a smile tugs on his lips. “Why does that not surprise me?” His hands run down Leonard’s sides and slide over his firm backside.

Leonard shrugs. “Well, I dunno. It seemed…logical.”

“Indeed.” He grinds his erection against Leonard’s. Watching his beloved arch up into his touch and throw his head back with abandon makes him harder than he would care to admit. To hear Leonard moaning and calling out his name with such passion is everything. That night they do it a little rougher than usual and Leonard comes three times. The next day they have a lengthy discussion about what their D/s relationship will look like.

They are spending more time together and picking up on each other’s mannerisms. While Leonard is talking to Jim about whether or not something is logical, Jim smiles at him.

“You’re spending a lot of time with Spock, doctor. You’re starting to sound like him.”

Leonard is shocked. No one was supposed to know they were together. They decided to keep their relationship a secret until after the five year mission. He hides his panic with a smile and jokingly responds.

“Well, if you’re gonna get nasty, I’m gonna leave.”

Jim laughs it off and it’s left at that. Afterwards, Jim, Spock, and Sulu erase all evidence of their existence in 1960’s Earth and they travel around the sun and use the gravity to get back to their own time. He decides to talk to Spock and they decide to be more careful from then on.

It is during a mission to Capella that Spock sees the full extent of how nurturing Leonard can be. The former leader’s wife has given birth while they were in the run. He doesn’t care for how the child’s mother has latched onto his ashayam but logically reasons it’s because she’s afraid and Leonard is a strong steady presence. Spock sees Leonard holding child and is hit with a sense of excitement. Leonard would look amazing round with his child and raising it.

Leonard is overjoyed that he was able to safely deliver Leonard James Akaar despite having no resources. He thinks about the first time he held his daughter and is filled with longing. He thinks it would be wonderful to see Spock with a child and tries to get him to hold the newborn baby boy. Spock refuses. He doesn’t want to get his hopes up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy 2020!


	8. Riolozhikaik-Illogical

They are playing host and transport for dignitaries on their way to a conference. Spock doesn’t tell anyone that his parents are ambassadors nor that they are coming aboard until they dock. Jim and Leonard are floored. Even moreso when Sarek, Spock’s father, is cold towards his son whom he hasn't seen in almost a decade.

Spock seems unruffled about the slight and takes his mother on a tour of the ship while his father and Jim talk diplomatic things. Leonard excuses himself to the safety of his sick bay until the mandated cocktail hour. He’ll take any chance he can get to get out of the choking dress uniform if only for a little while.

Spock shows his mother everything from the engine room to the bridge. They return to the conference room at the appointed time. The delegates are sipping on aperitifs and conversing while they await the meal. Leonard is speaking with Lt. Uhura and Nurse Chapel and fidgeting with his collar every so often. Jim and Sarek are conversing with one of the delegates.

Spock looks towards them debating what to do. He loves his mother but she is chatty and pries too much into her only child’s life. He’d like to pass her off to his father but reasons it might be construed as rudeness. Jim looks their way and smiles.

“So you and the captain are a thing,” she says leaning close.

Spock raises a brow at her. “I do not know what you mean, mother.”

She playfully smacks his arm. “I see the way he looks at you.”

He hasn’t noticed the way Jim does or does not look at him but makes a mental note to pay closer attention. “Be that as it may, the captain and I are not together.”

His mother frowns. At his age, he needs someone. “Well, _are_ you with anyone?”

Spock hesitates. He and Leonard decided to keep their relationship secret for a variety of reasons so he’s not quite sure what to say. Vulcans don’t lie. 

His mother lays a hand gently on his arm. “I only ask, dear, because you’re getting older. A mother would like to see grandchildren before she’s too old.”

Glad she has provided him with an out, he nods his head at her. “You are hardly old. Besides, with your prolonged life you have many years yet to enjoy grandchildren.”

She makes a small hum and turns back to see the captain and doctor conversing. The captain is a fine man, in her opinion and on her son's intellectual level. “He _is_ a logical choice.”

Spock is too busy looking at Leonard. His face is lit up as he converses about medicine with one of the ambassadors. The light dances in his eyes and Spock thinks Leonard is most logical for who he is. His choice may not be logical to others but they are not his concern.

His mother follows his eyes and her eyebrows raise in surprise. She sees it but doesn’t believe it. From what she has heard, Spock has chosen the _most illogical_ person on the ship. But knowing her son, the reason is logical to him and for him she keeps this knowledge to herself.

***************

Later, a return beam up during an ion storm leaves them in a parallel universe on an Enterprise where Spock has a mustache and goatee. Confused, the crew heads to sick bay to ascertain what to do. Leonard looks at the desk in sick bay and before he can stop himself, he mentions the chemical stain. His cheeks flush as he remembers the night the stain got there. It had been a Halloween party. He went dressed in a surgical gown, pumps and a brown wig. When everyone asked what he was supposed to be he’d said,

“A well- behaved patient.”

That had gotten him laughs and Jim simply shook his head. Spock had come dressed as an admiral, a position he had no desire for. Jim chided them for their lack of originality in their costume choices. He had dressed up like an Orion slave girl and was flaunting his ass for all to see. 

Spock couldn’t help but think to himself how aesthetically pleasing his Leonard was. He didn’t need to flaunt anything. He just had to be himself. He excused himself to get them drinks and left his beloved k’diwa speaking with Lt. Chekhov. When he turned around he noticed a crewman walk by and lightly bump Leonard. 

A napkin fell, whether it was Leonard’s or the crewman’s he couldn’t tell. Spock calculated that Leonard being a responsible gentleman, there was a 98.672 percent probability he’d bend over to pick it up showing more than just leg. Stretching his long legs Spock positioned himself behind Leonard just as he noticed the napkin and bent down to pick it up. Spock averted his eyes and clenched his teeth together when he got a look at Leonard’s matching thong.

Leonard straightened himself and gasped in surprise when he bumped into Spock’s lean frame. “Well, hello, Mr. Spock.”

“Doctor.” He handed him the drink. “I need you to accompany me to sick bay.”

Leonard sipped the drink careful not to smudge his lipstick and batted his lashes. “Oh? Why is that?”

“I’ve been feeling heart palpitations and flush with warmth. Since you are my physician I thought it prudent to inform you right away.”

“Dammit, man. Why didn’t you tell me sooner?” Leonard instantly went into doctor mode. He swallowed his drink and excused himself. He didn’t need to look to know Spock would follow. Leonard was half jogging while Spock merely walked a little faster. He intentionally walked a few steps behind Leonard so he could watch his ass jiggle as he ran. None of it is helping what was happening in his pants. He nearly lost control of himself as they rode the lift two floors down to sick bay. 

It was empty being that everyone was healthy (for once) and off enjoying a sanctioned night of drinking and bullfoolery. Leonard ran for the tricorder on his desk while Spock engaged the locks on the doors. Before Leonard could turn around, Spock gripped him by the throat with one hand and his other hand went to Leonard’s slim hip. He pressed his body against Leonard’s backside and Leonard gasped at the hardness he felt rubbing against his butt.

His Adam’s apple slid up and down against Spock’s palm. This raw unbridled passion outside of their bedroom was something new and he loved every second of it. “Spock?”

Spock rubbed his nose along the column of Leonard’s neck and nipped his earlobe. “You have no idea what you do to me, Leonard.” His hands traveled down Leonard's sides and hiked his gown up over his hips. 

Leonard's voice was a whisper. “I’ve got a fair idea.” He barely contained a moan as Spock squeezed the globes of his ass.

“It took all of my control not to take you there in front of everyone.”

Leonard's head was getting fuzzy and he fought to maintain some semblance of control. Barely. “I thought Vulcans were so private and repressed.” His breath hitches as Spock tears his thong from his body. He was quite fond of that pair.

“There are times when our passions are on display for all to see.” He released Leonard only to spin him around and press him against the desk. Leonard’s legs opened to try to keep himself from falling and Spock slid in between them grinding his erection against Leonard’s.

“Spock, what’s gotten into you?”

“Nothing has gotten into me. However, there is something I want to get into _you_.” He put his hands on Leonard’s thighs and lifted his legs around his waist. The action off balanced Leonard temporarily and the desk shook. The beaker of corrosive liquid spilled across the desk. Neither of them cares because they are engaged in a heated lip lock and Spock’s hands are all over Leonard’s ass. Spock took him twice on that desk as the corrosive dried; once face to face with Leonard’s legs over his shoulders and the other with Leonard’s face inches from the spill.

It was a good thing it wasn’t harmful to organic material.

**************

It’s no surprise then, when this reality’s version of Spock needs assistance, that Leonard tries to help him. He doesn’t expect to be assaulted. He knows the two Spocks are different but he can’t force himself to make the distinction. Spock would never hurt him no matter what.

This Spock doesn’t hurt him. But he’s angry and disgusted. His counterpart has something he wants. Through memories, he shows Leonard just how nasty and cruel the mirrorverse is. It leaves Leonard shaken to see his family and friends the way this Spock does - cruel, bloodthirsty, power hungry, and backstabbing.

Back in their reality, Spock finds himself intrigued and annoyed by the counterparts that he has to deal with. They are abrasive, crass, and cruel for no reason with little regard to life. Humans are illogical on a normal day but these humans are no better than Neanderthals. He is ecstatic when they are able to switch the crews and gets his Leonard back.

Only something has happened to Leonard. Scotty half carries him off the transporter pad. Jim is all smiles and in a rush to get to the bridge. Leonard is half dazed and unable to object so he gets away with it. Spock wants to rush up to the pad to take care of Leonard but has to resist. The crew does not know about their relationship. Or so he thinks.

Spock watches as Mr. Scott takes Leonard to sickbay. He decides to wait a while until he goes to check on Leonard so it seems as though he is only there in an official capacity as the first officer and not a concerned lover. He looks down as a hand squeezes his arm. It is Lt. Uhura. She gives him a small smile projecting calm and reassurance.

“We were separated when we were there. I don’t know what, but something happened between him and the other Spock. He came back to us like that and before we could find out what happened, we were back.”

Spock tries to play it off. “Should you not be telling this to one of the doctors?”

Her smile widens. He doesn't know the power of female intuition. “I know you care for him. You should go be with him.”

“Lieutenant, I-“

Uhura held up her hand. “Your secret is safe. Just go.” She started out of the transporter room leaving him slightly baffled. But he follows her advice and goes to sick bay. Leonard is quiet and obedient during his post mission check up which is alarming in and of itself. For two days he doesn't give anyone more than a one word answer. Finally, Spock gets him to submit to a mind meld where he learns all about the mirrorverse. It is disturbing and Spock amends his opinion on the humans in his universe. 


	9. Os-shidik - Primitive

Their relationship deepens as they enter their first year together as a couple, three years into the five year mission. The more they learn of each other, the closer they become. Leonard finally gains some understanding of what drives Spock to be the perfectionist he is. He tries to show Spock that in him he has a safe place to let go and relax his Vulcan controls. To express himself without judgment. Spock gains insight into why his k’diwa is so passionate about the people and things he cares about.

They are d/s 24/7 when alone together. Len walks around in his dresses, skirts, tights or robes. He submits to whatever his dominant desires and feels fulfilled. It is natural to both of them and they spend their off duty time just as easily reading, playing instruments for each other, or doing scenes. Spock is loving and firm and ever so grateful for his k’diwa. Frequent mind melds have brought them one step closer to a permanent bond.

Leonard also notices Spock becoming a tad more possessive. It’s very subtle and if he wasn’t so in tune with Spock, he’d have dismissed it like Jim and the others. For example, they find a derelict ship called the Botany Bay adrift. One of the stasis chambers malfunctions and they are forced to revive the person inside. While he’s in sickbay, the man- Khan- grabs a scalpel and holds it to Leonard’s neck. Of all Leonard's fears and phobias, the living are not one of them.

Not the first time he’s been threatened with a weapon, Leonard stares impassively. “Well either choke me or cut my throat. Make up your mind.” When Khan tightens his hold, he tilts his head slightly and says, ”It would be more effective to cut the carotid artery. Just below the left ear.”

Khan acts as if he’s impressed but he’s actually convinced Leonard’s got a few screws loose. A man not afraid of death is a dangerous man. Brave, but unpredictable and therefore dangerous. After the failed ship takeover, Khan and his revived crew are marooned on Ceti Alpha V. When Spock learns of the encounter in sickbay, he’s proud of Leonard for standing his ground but he’s also angry. Angry enough to kill Khan for threatening what was his. Instead, he goes to the gym to burn off the energy by training with a lirpa – a traditional weapon of the Vulcan people used by their special forces or in the kal-if-fee, a fight between suitors over a mate. It is a weapon Spock is proficient in.

It i late when he returns to find Leonard asleep and clinging to his pillow. He chastises himself for ignoring Leonard’s feelings and possible need for comfort after the ordeal. He slides into bed, careful not to wake his beloved, and holds him tight.

Because he was a hybrid it was thought that he would not have the mating drive typical of Vulcans and also that he was sterile and unable to have children. When he passed through his teens and twenties, it seemed confirmed. Typical Vulcans had their first pon farr in their teens during puberty. Spock was to go through his pon farr and complete the marriage bond with his betrothed, T’Pring, and follow Vulcan tradition at that time. He has already broken tradition by not completing his bond and joining Starfleet. His relationship with T’Pring is strained at best and they both seek a way to break their bond without bringing shame or dishonor on their families.

Pon farr is not something they discuss with outsiders so Spock has not told Leonard about it as his physician or lover nor has he told him about his betrothal to T’Pring. It is surprising then when he begins to not feel like himself. His concentration is off and it is affecting his efficiency. Not that anyone notices when he is having an off day. He is also jittery and short-tempered. Leonard notices first because he always does but Jim just dismisses the doctor’s concerns. Sometimes Bones just pushes at Spock unnecessarily, in his opinion. When Spock verbally assaults Nurse Chapel, Jim sees the light and makes for Vulcan.

Spock converses with T’Pring to let her know it is time. They are both in love with someone else and agree they need to sever the bond. They opt to put on an elaborate show in front of witnesses to sever their bond in a way acceptable and honorable for all involved – the kal-if-fee.

Jim fights his hardest but is no real match for Spock’s strength and fighting abilities. Not to mention, the planet is against him. The thin air and heavier gravity make it difficult for him to breathe. Leonard cleverly comes up with a way to end it all without casualties on either side and injects Jim with a slow acting sedative. When Jim goes down, he pronounces him dead and they are beamed back to the ship. Spock and T’Pring have a few words and he returns as well to find Jim still alive. He is elated, of course, and his emotions slip through, evidenced by his clutching to Jim and a gleaming smile that stretches from ear to ear.

The plak tow still isn’t complete and he uses his show of emotions to request several days off to recover. Leonard also puts time in claiming mental exhaustion from nearly seeing his captain die. The two hole themselves up in Spock’s quarters for four days where the Vulcan shows Leonard just how passionate a Vulcan can be. Leonard thanks the creator for in-quarters replicators, lubricant, hyposprays, and dermal regenerators. Spock is completely uninhibited in his feelings and damn his Vulcan stamina and ability to recover quickly after ejaculation. 

Leonard clutches the sheets, groaning as Spock is driving into him. In his mind he can see the desperate need Spock still has to claim and mate. The fires are beginning to taper off but the primitive desire is still there and it’s all he knows. To see Spock so raw and emotional is a turn on and Leonard feels honored to be the one it’s all directed at. Though he wonders how much more his old body can take.

He cries out and ejaculate hits his stomach just as Spock comes with an animal-like growl, flooding Leonard’s channel with his seed. Spock rolls to his side and pulls a spent Leonard on top of him and takes his lips in a bruising kiss.

“Jesus, you’re tryin’ to kill me,” Leonard pants.

Spock brushes his fingers through Leoanard’s sweaty hair. “I am sorry. I know how much of a burden this is.”

Leonard strokes his lightly stubbled jaw. “Don’t be. I love you. I’ll do whatever I can to help you.”

Exhausted brown eyes sparkle with adoration. “You are so good to me, k’diwa.”

Leonard gives him a soft peck on his slightly dry lips. “Get some rest before it starts again.” He presses a finger to Spock’s lips as he starts to protest. “Doctor’s orders.”

They get a few minutes rest before fires burn within Spock once more. It’s another twenty four hours before the flames finally die down and he can think about something other than the need to be inside his mate. Though he is exhausted, he knows Leonard needs more care than he does. Leonard is sleeping so hard and deep he’s snoring. Spock carefully strips the soiled bed linens and tidies up wipes, prophylactics, dirty dishes, and a broken chair.

He tries to recall how the chair broke and the memory makes him smile. He’d been sitting in it with Leonard riding him hard and fast. Leonard made the mistake of nipping the tip of Spock’s ear and that was all she wrote. Spock switched their position so Leonard was on his back and drove into him. With his legs pinned to his chest, Leonard could only cry out and take it. The chair didn’t appreciate the rough treatment and one of the legs gave out.

Spock walks into the bathroom and fills the soaking tub with water. It is a luxury he seldom indulges but his beloved deserves to be pampered for all he has been through the last four days. He pours healing oils into the water to help soothe Leonard’s aches and pains away. He will massage him later then fill him up with revitalizing food. His nepik deserves all the tenderness Spock can show him. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Vulcan words  
> lirpa- a pole weapon with a fan blade on one end and club on the other  
> pon farr- Vulcan time of mating  
> kal-if-fee - passion fight or mating challenge  
> plak tow-blood fever  
> k'diwa - shortened form of k'hat'n'dlawa - beloved  
> Nepik - submissive


	10. Ak'Sh'Iz - Ashamed

After the hell he went through during pon farr, Leonard just knows he and Spock are about to the the proverbial knot. He’s made peace with the fact that Spock won’t verbally or publicly profess his undying love for the grumpy doctor but he’ll take him however he can get him.

He’s surprised colonists on Omicron Ceti III are still alive after all these years in space exposed to Bertold rays. They should be dead. He knows this in his bones. The science backs up that fact. The fact that some blonde bombshell turns out to be Spock’s ex…something has no effect on his ability to do his job. He examines every single person but can’t explain their perfect health or the regrowth of his appendix which had been removed years ago.

He and Jim are wracking their brains for an explanation when Spock and Sulu return acting like stoned hippies from the sixties. Calling the place 'paradise' and 'perfec't isn’t what sets him off. Neither is it the ridiculous smiles both are sprouting. No. It’s the woman dangling off Spock’s arm and his open affection for her.

Leonard’s fit to be tied and he marches around trying to find the answers only to be blasted in the face by a plant he hadn't noticed before. His vision momentarily blinks out and he’s overcome with dizziness. His heart rate speeds up and his chest tightens. Heat courses through him and then it’s all gone. He has never felt so relaxed and happy in all his life. What was he doing?

He sees Spock and Layla Kalomi necking like some high school kids. He’s happy Spock can be uninhibited. It’s good for him to relax his controls. The crew starts beaming down and he sees Jim trying to stop them. Why does Jim fight so hard? When Jim and Spock return to the ship, he has a few moments alone with Layla.

She’s a lovely girl. He can see why Spock is taken with her. Perhaps she can do for Spock what Leonard failed to do. Not to mention she's younger than Leonard and naturally feminine. She can provide Spock with children while Leonard can't. He’s good with that. He only wants Spock happy.

Later, he’s lounging under a tree with a grass stalk between his teeth and a drink in hand. Life is good. The director comes and tells him they need to find him a job. That ruins his good mood.

A job? He has one. He’s a doctor dammit.

When the director tells him there is no need for a doctor, that gets his goat. He feels something coursing through his veins hotter than fire. He’s enraged. Doctoring is his _life_ and he’ll be damned if he gives it up. He knocks the director flat on his ass. A sense of confusion comes over him as he looks at the drink in his hand. What’s happened to him? Why did he attack someone? He dumps his drink and sets off to find Spock and Jim. 

Once the spores are out of their systems, Spock seems to be colder than ever. Leonard wonders if it’s because he was unfaithful or because he could no longer have Layla. It hurts but he gives Spock his space and throws himself into his work.

They encounter a Romanesque society on a planet not too far from the wreckage of a ship called the Beagle. Jim’s old academy buddy is there and they learn he is called Mericus. Mericus had his own crew come down and those that were able to adapt have become one with the citizenry. Those that could not died in the gladiator ring.

Jim is carted off leaving Leonard and Spock in the cell. Spock is still…something and busies himself with the bars of the cage – again. Leonard is annoyed. Things have not been going well with them and now this. He picks a fight with Spock because it’s better than the silence between them and the anxious thoughts in his head.

Spock knows what Leonard is doing. He tries to ignore the feelings inside him. After all, he has been horrible to his k’diwa since the Layla Kalomi incident. He is ashamed of how quickly he abandoned Leonard and had been questioning his right to have the doctor by his side. His love and desire are still there. There are no words or actions really that can make up for what he has done. Leonard says something that makes him snap inside.

“Oh really, doctor?” In a flash, he has Leonard pinned on his back in the corner where they won’t be seen. His lips claim Leonard as his hand tangles in the short brown hairs at Leonard’s neck. Leonard struggles but ultimately gives in when Spock’s hand slides down his pants and grips his ass. How fortunate his Vulcan anatomy doesn’t need lube as he slides into Leonard and takes him hard and fast in the dusty cell. They bite, suck, and scratch at each other in a frenzied reclaiming of their mate. They come hard, growling each other’s names before collapsing into a sweaty pile of heated flesh.

“That’s more like it,” Leonard giggles looking up at Spock.

The Vulcan smirks and presses a soft kiss to his lips. “I cannot apologize enough for what I did to you.”

Leonard traces the shell of his ear and sighs. “It wasn’t your fault. Those spores had us all actin' off.”

Spock snorts to himself. Leonard's accent he worked hard to suppress was full out as the humans say. He even called Jim 'Jimmy boy.' “Regardless, I am sorry, Leonard.”

Leonard kisses his lips. “Don’t be.”

They quickly wipe themselves down with the bottles of water that had been left for them to drink and cloth torn from the bottoms of their pants as they wait for some sort of signal. They are taken to an arena where they are forced to fight. Leonard’s body is sore and he’s slow moving from the rough loving earlier. It’s all he can do to avoid being struck with a sword. Besides, he’s a doctor. Fighting is not his forte.

Spock realizes he is responsible for Leonard’s situation and strives to end his fight quickly. He knocks his opponent unconscious then handles Leonard’s. After all, if he’d just had some self-control he would not have been so rough with his k’diwa. Little do they know, the show is being broadcast to the ship and Jim has sent a signal to Mr. Scott. After the match, they are thrown back in the cell and separated from Jim. They don’t have long to wait and when Jim returns, Mericus is shot and they are beamed aboard before they meet the same fate.


End file.
